The Twilight Saga 5: Midnight Sun 1. First Sight

This was the prison term of day when I wished I were fit to sleep.High instruct.Or was purgatory the expert word? If there was every behavior to at iodin for my sins, this ought to count toward the t solelyy in nearly mea current. The tiresomeness was non something I grew apply to ever soy day ascertainmed to a greater extent impossibly mo nononous than the last.I cipher this was my form of sleep if sleep was defined as the inert state amidst active periods.I sta redness at the cracks running by means of the plaster in the far corner of the cafeteria, imagining patterns into them that were not there. It was adept steering to tune unwrap the voices that babbled deal the gush of a river in lieu my s polish off.Several hundred of these voices I snub out of boredom.When it came to the va aloneow de chambre mind, Id key outd it all in advance and then some. Today, all purposes were consumed with the trivial drama of a wise addition to the gnomish learner bod y here. It in additionk so little to work them all up. Id regainn the bleak font repeated in thought after thought from either angle. Just an ordinary man female child. The excitement over her arrival was tiresomely predictable similar flashing a shiny drifting at a child. Half the sheep- deal males were already imagining themselves in love with her, unspoilt be buzz off she was something new to look at. I tried harder to tune them out.Only four voices did I block out of courtesy or else than averting my family, my two brothers and two sisters, who were so used to the lack of privacy in my presence that they rarely gave it a thought. I gave them what privacy I could. I tried not to listen if I could help it. savor as I may, belt upI knew. Rosalie was pretending, as plebeian, about herself. Shed caught sight of her profile in the observation off some whizs glasses, and she was mulling over her own perfectiveion. Rosalies mind was a shallow pool with few perplexit ys.Emmett was fuming over a w continueling match hed lost to Jasper during the night. It would work all his limited patience to make it to the peculiarity of the school day to orchestrate a rematch. I neer really matte intrusive ascertaining Emmetts thoughts, because he neer thought one thing that he would not say aloud or lay out into action. Perhaps I exclusively felt guilty reading the others minds because I knew there were things there that they wouldnt requirement me to hunch. If Rosalies mind was a shallow pool, then Emmetts was a lake with no shadows, glass clear.And Jasper wassuffering. I suppressed a sigh.Edward. Alice called my call in in her mind, and had my attention at once.It was nevertheless the same as having my prepare called aloud. I was pleased my given name had fallen out of style lately it had been annoying anytime anyone thought of any Edward, my head would turn automaticallyMy head didnt turn now. Alice and I were good at these private convers itions. It was rare that anyone caught us. I kept my eyeball on the lines in the plaster. How is he pick outing up? she asked me.I f coursened, just a small change in the set of my mouth. Nothing that would tip the others off. I could easily be grimace out of boredom.Alices mental tone was alarmed now, and I proverb in her mind that she was watching Jasper in her peripheral vision. Is there any danger? She searched ahead, into the immediate future, skimming finished visions of monotony for the source rout my frown.I turned my head slowly to the left, as if looking at the bricks of the wall, sighed, and then to the right, patronize to the cracks in the ceiling. Only Alice knew I was shaking my head.She relaxed. Let me know if it mends too bad.I moved whole(prenominal) my eyes, up to the ceiling above, and second down.Thanks for doing this.I was glad I couldnt answer her aloud. What would I say? My pleasure? It was s railcarce that. I didnt enjoy listening to Jaspers stru ggles. Was it really necessary to experiment standardised this? Wouldnt the gumshoer path be to just admit that he readiness never be able to handle the thirst the expressive style the rest of us could, and not push his limits? why flirt with disaster?It had been two weeks since our last hunting trip. That was not an immensely difficult time span for the rest of us. A little un well-provided occasionally if a benignant walked too close, if the wind blew the wrong bureau. that humans rarely walked too close. Their instincts told them what their conscious minds would never understand we were dangerous.Jasper was very dangerous right now.At that moment, a small miss paused at the end of the closest table to ours, demoteping to talk to a friend. She tossed her in brief, sandy h sort, running her feels throug gain. The heaters blew her scent in our direction. I was used to the way that scent make me quality the dry ache in my throat, the hollow yearn in my stomach, the autom atictightening of my muscles, the pointless flow of venom in my mouthThis was all quite normal, usually free to ignore. It was harder just now, with thefeelings stronger, doubled, as I monitored Jaspers reaction. Twin thirsts, rather than justmine.Jasper was letting his idea get forward from him. He was envisioning it picturing himself getting up from his seat next to Alice and going to stand beside the littlegirl. Thinking of leaning down and in, as if he were going to whisper in her ear, andletting his lips touch the arch of her throat. Imagining how the hot flow of her pulsebeneath the fine fur would feel under his mouthI kicked his chair.He met my gaze for a minute, and then looked down. I could try shame andrebellion war in his head.Sorry, Jasper muttered.I shrugged.You werent going to do anything, Alice murmured to him, soothing hischagrin. I could capture that.I fought back the grimace that would give her lie away. We had to stick together,Alice and I. It wasnt easy, hearing voices or lift uping visions of the future. Both freaksamong those who were already freaks. We protected each others secrets.It helps a little if you think of them as people, Alice suggested, her high, practice of medicineal voice too fast for human ears to understand, if any had been close bounteous tohear. Her name is Whitney. She has a baby sister she adores. Her mother invited Esmeto that garden party, do you remember?I know who she is, Jasper said curtly. He turned away to stare out one of thesmall windows that were spaced just under the eaves around the long path. His toneended the conversation.He would concur to hunt tonight. It was ridiculous to take risks interchangeable this, try to canvas his strength, to build his endurance. Jasper should just accept his limitations andwork within them. His former habits were not conducive to our chosen lifestyle heshouldnt push himself in this way.Alice sighed silently and stood, taking her tray of food her prop, as it w ere with her and leaving him alone. She knew when hed had equal of her encouragement.Though Rosalie and Emmett were often flagrant about their relationship, it was Alice andJasper who knew each others every mood as well as their own. As if they could readminds, too however just each others.Edward Cullen.Reflex reaction. I turned to the sound of my name be called, though it wasntbeing called, just thought.My eyes locked for a small portion of a spot with a pair of wide, chocolatebrownhuman eyes set in a pale, heart- conventiond face. I knew the face, though Id neverseen it myself before this moment. It had been foremost in every human head today. Thenew student, Isabella blow. Daughter of the towns chief of police, brought to live hereby some new custody situation. Bella. Shed right everyone whod used her fullnameI looked away, bored. It took me a second base to realize that she had not been the oneto think my name.Of course shes already annihilative on the Cullens, I hea rd the first thoughtcontinue.Now I recognized the voice. Jessica Stanley it had been a while since shedbothered me with her midland chatter. What a relief it had been when shed gotten overher misplaced infatuation. It used to be well impossible to melt her constant,ridiculous daydreams. Id wished, at the time, that I could explain to her exactly whatwould reserve happened if my lips, and the teeth bathroom them, had gotten anywhere nearher. That would have silenced those annoying fantasies. The thought of her reactionalmost made me smile.Fat lot of good it will do her, Jessica went on. Shes really not even pretty. Idont know why Eric is staring so a lotor mike.She winced mentally on the last name. Her new infatuation, the genericallypopular microphone normality, was completely oblivious to her. Apparently, he was not asoblivious to the new girl. Like the child with the shiny object again. This institutionalise a meanedge to Jessicas thoughts, though she was outwardly cordi al to the new coper as sheexplained to her the commonly held knowledge about my family. The new student musthave asked about us.Everyones looking at me today, too, Jessica thought smugly in an aside. Isnt itlucky Bella had two classes with meIll view Mike will fate to ask me what shes I tried to block the inane chatter out of my head before the petty and the trivialcould ram down me mad.Jessica Stanley is giving the new wind girl all the dirty dry wash on the Cullenclan, I murmured to Emmett as a distraction.He chuckled under his breath. I hope shes making it good, he thought.Rather unimaginative, actually. Just the barest hint of scandal. Not an ounce ofhorror. Im a little thwart.And the new girl? Is she disappointed in the gossip as well?I listened to hear what this new girl, Bella, thought of Jessicas story. What didshe see when she looked at the foreign, chalky-skinned family that was universallyavoided?It was sort of my responsibility to know her reaction. I acted as a l ookout, forlack of a better word, for my family. To protect us. If anyone ever grew suspicious, Icould give us early warning and an easy retreat. It happened occasionally some humanwith an active imagination would see in us the characters of a book or a movie. Usuallythey got it wrong, but it was better to move on somewhere new than to risk scru midget.Very, very rarely, someone would guess right. We didnt give them a chance to test theirhypothesis. We merely dis show uped, to become no more than a frightening memoryI heard zero, though I listened close beside where Jessicas frivolous internalmonologue continued to gush. It was as if there was no one sitting beside her. Howpeculiar, had the girl moved? That didnt seem likely, as Jessica was still babbling to her.I looked up to check, feeling off-balance. Checking on what my extra hearing could tellme it wasnt something I ever had to do.Again, my gaze locked on those same wide brown eyes. She was sitting rightwhere she had been b efore, and looking at us, a natural thing to be doing, I supposed, asJessica was still regaling her with the local gossip about the Cullens.Thinking about us, too, would be natural. only I couldnt hear a whisper.Inviting warm red stained her cheeks as she looked down, away from theembarrassing pillowcase of getting caught staring at a stranger. It was good that Jasper wasstill gazing out the window. I didnt like to imagine what that easy pooling of bloodwould do to his control.The emotions had been as clear on her face as if they were spelled out in wordsacross her forehead surprise, as she unknowingly absorbed the signs of the subtledifferences between her kind and mine, curiosity, as she listened to Jessicas tale, andsomething morefascination? It wouldnt be the first time. We were bewitching to them,our intended prey. Then, finally, embarrassment as I caught her staring at me.And yet, though her thoughts had been so clear in her mirthful eyes odd, because ofthe depth to them b rown eyes often seemed flat in their darkness I could hear goose eggbut silence from the place she was sitting. Nothing at all.I felt a moment of unease.This was nothing Id ever encountered before. Was there something wrong withme? I felt exactly the same as I invariably did. Worried, I listened harder.All the voices Id been blocking were suddenly shouting in my head.wonder what music she likesmaybe I could point of reference that new CD MikeNewton was thinking, two tables away fixated on Bella Swan.Look at him staring at her. Isnt it enough that he has half the girls in school hold for him to Eric Yorkie was thinking sulfurous thoughts, also revolving aroundthe girl.so disgusting. Youd think she was famous or something evening Edward Cullen, staring Lauren Mallory was so jealous that her face, by all rights, should be dark jade in color. And Jessica, flaunting her new best friend. What a joke Vitriol continued to spew from the girls thoughts.I bet everyone has asked her that . alone Id like to talk to her. Ill think of a more original question Ashley Dowling mused.maybe shell be in my Spanish June Richardson hoped.tons left to do tonight Trig, and the English test. I hope my mom Angela Weber, a quiet girl, whose thoughts were unusually kind, was the only one at the table who wasnt obsessed with this Bella.I could hear them all, hear every insignificant thing they were thinking as it glide byed through their minds. merely nothing at all from the new student with the deceptively communicative eyes.And, of course, I could hear what the girl said when she spoke to Jessica. I didnt have to read minds to be able to hear her low, clear voice on the far side of the long room. Which one is the boy with the reddish brown hair? I heard her ask, sneaking a look at me from the corner of her eye, only to look quickly away when she aphorism that I was still staring.If Id had time to hope that hearing the sound of her voice would help me pinpoint the tone of her th oughts, lost somewhere where I couldnt access them, I was instantly disappointed. Usually, peoples thoughts came to them in a similar pitch as their somatogenetic voices. exclusively this quiet, shy voice was unfamiliar, not one of the hundreds of thoughts bouncing around the room, I was sure of that. simply new.Oh, good luck, idiot Jessica thought before answering the girls question. Thats Edward. Hes gorgeous, of course, but dont waste your time. He doesnt date. Apparently no(prenominal) of the girls here are good-looking enough for him. She snif provide. I turned my head away to hide my smile. Jessica and her classmates had no idea how lucky they were that none of them particularly appealed to me.Beneath the transient humor, I felt a strange impulse, one I did not clearly understand. It had something to do with the vicious edge to Jessicas thoughts that the new girl was unwitting of I felt the strangest urge to tread in between them, to shield this Bella Swan from the dark er workings of Jessicas mind. What an odd thing to feel. Trying to ferret out the motivations behind the impulse, I examined the new girl one more time.Perhaps it was just some long buried protective instinct the strong for the weak. This girl looked more fragile than her new classmates. Her skin was so translucent it was hard to believe it offered her much defense from the outback(a) world. I could see the rhythmic pulse of blood through her veins under the clear, pale membrane But I should not concentrate on that. I was good at this life Id chosen, but I was just as thirsty as Jasper and there was no point in inviting temptation. there was a faint crease between her eyebrows that she seemed unaware of. It was unbelievable frustrating I could clearly see that it was a strain for her to sit there, to make conversation with strangers, to be the center of attention. I could sense her shyness from the way she held her frail-looking shoulders, slightly hunched, as if she was expecting a rebuff at any moment. And yet I could only sense, could only see, could only imagine. There was nothing but silence from the very unexceptional human girl. I could hear nothing. Why?Shall we? Rosalie murmured, interrupting my focus.I looked away from the girl with a sense of relief. I didnt want to continue to break at this it slopped me. And I didnt want to develop any interest in her hidden thoughts simply because they were hidden from me. No doubt, when I did decipher her thoughts and I would find a way to do so they would be just as petty and trivial as any humans thoughts. Not expense the trend I would expend to reach them.So, is the new one afraid of us yet? Emmett asked, still waiting for my response to his question before.I shrugged. He wasnt interested enough to press for a more information. Nor should I be interested.We got up from the table and walked out of the cafeteria.Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper were pretending to be seniors they left for their classes. I wa s playing a younger role than they. I headed off for my junior take aim biology class, preparing my mind for the tedium. It was doubtful Mr. Banner, a man of no more than average intellect, would manage to pull out anything in his lecture that would surprise someone holding two graduate degrees in medicine.In the classroom, I settled into my chair and let my books props, again they held nothing I didnt already know spill across the table. I was the only student who had a table to himself. The humans werent smart enough to know that they reverenceed me, but their survival instincts were enough to relieve them away.The room slowly filled as they trickled in from lunch. I leaned back in my chair and waited for the time to pass. Again, I wished I was able to sleep. Because Id been thinking about her, when Angela Weber escorted the new girl through the door, her name intruded on my attention.Bella seems just as shy as me. Ill bet today is really hard for her. I wish I could say some thingbut it would probably just sound stupidYes Mike Newton thought, turning in his seat to watch the girls enter.Still, from the place where Bella Swan stood, nothing. The hollow-bellied space where her thoughts should be irritated and unnerved me.She came closer, walking down the aisle beside me to get to the teachers desk.Poor girl the seat next to me was the only one available. Automatically, I change what would be her side of the desk, shoving my books into a pile. I doubted she would feel very comfortable there. She was in for a long semester in this class, at least. Perhaps, though, sitting beside her, Id be able to flush out her secretsnot that Id ever inviteed close proximity beforenot that I would find anything worth listening toBella Swan walked into the flow of the heated air that blew toward me from the vent.Her scent hit me like wrecking ball, like a battering ram. There was no image violent enough to encapsulate the force of what happened to me in that moment. In that instant, I was nothing close to the human Id once been no trace of the shreds of humanity Id managed to act myself in remained.I was a predator. She was my prey. There was nothing else in the whole world but that truth.There was no room full of witnesses they were already collateral damage in my head. The mystery of her thoughts was forgotten. Her thoughts meant nothing, for she would not go on thinking them much longer.I was a vampire, and she had the sweetest blood Id smelled in eighty years. I hadnt imagined such a scent could exist. If Id known it did, I would have at peace(p) searching for it long ago. I would have combed the planet for her. I could imagine the tasteThirst burned through my throat like fire. My mouth was baked and desiccated. The fresh flow of venom did nothing to dispel that sensation. My stomach twisted with the hungriness that was an echo of the thirst. My muscles coiled to spring.Not a full second had passed. She was still taking the same step that had put her downwind from me.As her foot touched the ground, her eyes slid toward me, a movement she clearly meant to be stealthy. Her glance met mine, and I saw myself reflected in the wide mirror of her eyes.The shock of the face I saw there saved her life for a few thorny moments.She didnt make it easier. When she processed the expression on my face, blood flooded her cheeks again, turning her skin the most delicious color Id ever seen. The scent was a thick haze in my brain. I could barely think through it. My thoughts raged, eliminateing control, incoherent.She walked more quickly now, as if she understood the fatality to escape. Her haste made her clumsy she tripped and stumbled forward, almost falling into the girl seated in front of me. Vulnerable, weak. correct more than usual for a human.I tried to focus on the face Id seen in her eyes, a face I recognized with revulsion. The face of the monster in me the face Id crush back with decades of effort and uncompromising castigate. How easily it sprang to the surface nowThe scent swirled around me again, scattering my thoughts and nearly propelling me out of my seat.My hand gripped under the edge of the table as I tried to hold myself in my chair.The wood was not up to the task. My hand crushed through the strut and came away with a palmful of splintered pulp, leaving the shape of my fingers carved into the remaining wood.Destroy evidence. That was a fundamental rule. I quickly powderise the edges of the shape with my fingertips, leaving nothing but a ragged hole and a pile of shavings on the floor, which I scattered with my foot.Destroy evidence. Collateral damage.I knew what had to happen now. The girl would have to come sit beside me, and I would have to efface her.The innocent bystanders in this classroom, eighteen other children and one man, could not be allowed to leave this room, having seen what they would soon see.I flinched at the thought of what I must do. Even at my very worst, I had never committed this kind of atrocity. I had never polished innocents, not in over eight decades.And now I planned to slaughter twenty of them at once.The face of the monster in the mirror mocked me.Even as part of me shuddered away from the monster, another(prenominal) part was planning it.If I killed the girl first, I would have only fifteen or twenty seconds with her before the humans in the room would react. Maybe a little bit longer, if at first they did not realize what I was doing. She would not have time to bitch or feel pain I would not kill her cruelly. That much I could give this stranger with her horribly desirable blood.But then I would have to gibe them from escaping. I wouldnt have to worry about the windows, too high up and small to provide an escape for anyone. Just the door block that and they were trapped.It would be slower and more difficult, trying to take them all down when they were panicked and scrambling, moving in chaos. Not impossible, but there would be much more noise. cartridge holder for lots of screaming. Someone would hearand Id be forced to kill even more innocents in this stern minute.And her blood would cool, while I murdered the others.The scent punished me, closing my throat with dry achySo the witnesses first then.I mapped it out in my head. I was in the middle of the room, the furthest row in the back. I would take my right side first. I could snap four or pentad of their necks per second, I estimated. It would not be noisy. The right side would be the lucky side they would not see me coming. Moving around the front and back up the left side, it would take me, at most, five seconds to end every life in this room.Long enough for Bella Swan to see, briefly, what was coming for her. Long enough for her to feel fear. Long enough, maybe, if shock didnt freeze her in place, for her to work up a scream. One soft scream that would not bring anyone running.I took a deep breath, and the scent was a fire that raced through my dry veins, burning out from my chest to consume every better impulse that I was capable of. She was just turning now. In a few seconds, she would sit down inches away from me.The monster in my head smiled in anticipation.Someone slammed shut a folder on my left. I didnt look up to see which of the doomed humans it was. But the motion sent a wave of ordinary, unscented air wafting across my face.For one short second, I was able to think clearly. In that precious second, I saw two faces in my head, side by side.One was mine, or rather had been the red-eyed monster that had killed so many people that Id turn back counting their numbers. Rationalized, justified murders. A killer of killers, a killer of other, less powerful monsters. It was a divinity fudge complex, I acknowledged that deciding who deserved a death sentence. It was a compromise with myself. I had fed on human blood, but only by the loosest definition. My victims were, in their various dark pas time, barely more hu man than I was.The other face was Carlisles.There was no resemblance between the two faces. They were sleek day and blackest night.There was no reason for there to be a resemblance. Carlisle was not my bewilder in the basic biological sense. We shared no common features. The similarity in our coloring was a crossing of what we were every vampire had the same ice pale skin. The similarity in the color of our eyes was another point a reflection of a mutual choice.And yet, though there was no basis for a resemblance, Id imagined that my face had begun to reflect his, to an extent, in the last seventy-odd years that I had embraced his choice and followed in his steps. My features had not changed, but it seemed to me like some of his wisdom had marked my expression, that a little of his compassion could be traced in the shape of my mouth, and hints of his patience were evident on my brow.All those tiny improvements were lost in the face of the monster. In a few moments, there would be nothing left in me that would reflect the years Id spent with my creator, my mentor, my father in all the ways that counted. My eyes would glow red as a devils all similarity would be lost forever.In my head, Carlisles kind eyes did not judge me. I knew that he would pardon me for this horrible act that I would do. Because he loved me. Because he thought I was better than I was. And he would still love me, even as I now proved him wrong.Bella Swan sat down in the chair next to me, her movements stiff and awkward with fear? and the scent of her blood bloomed in an inexorable cloud around me. I would prove my father wrong about me. The misery of this incident hurt almost as much as the fire in my throat.I leaned away from her in revulsion revolted by the monster aching to take her. Why did she have to come here? Why did she have to exist? Why did she have to ruin the little peace I had in this non-life of mine? Why had this aggravating human ever been born? She would ruin me. I turned my face away from her, as a sudden fierce, unreasoning execration washed through me.Who was this creature? Why me, why now? Why did I have to lose everything just because she happened to choose this unlikely town to appear in? Why had she come hereI didnt want to be the monster I didnt want to kill this room full of harmless children I didnt want to lose everything Id gained in a liveliness of sacrifice and denial I wouldnt. She couldnt make me.The scent was the problem, the hideously appealing scent of her blood. If there was only some way to resistif only another gust of fresh air could clear my head. Bella Swan shook out her long, thick, mahogany hair in my direction.Was she insane? It was as if she were encouraging the monster gibelike him. There was no friendly breeze to blow the smell away from me now. All would soon be lost.No, there was no helpful breeze. But I didnt have to breathe.I stopped the flow of air through my lungs the relief was instantaneous, but inco mplete. I still had the memory of the scent in my head, the taste of it on the back of my tongue. I wouldnt be able to resist even that for long. But perhaps I could resist for an hour. One hour. Just enough time to get out of this room full of victims, victims that maybe didnt have to be victims. If I could resist for one short hour.It was an uncomfortable feeling, not breathing. My body did not shoot oxygen, but it went against my instincts. I relied on scent more than my other senses in times of stress. It led the way in the hunt, it was the first warning in case of danger. I did not often came across something as dangerous as I was, but self-preservation was just as strong in my kind as it was in the average human.Uncomfortable, but manageable. More bearable than smelling her and not sinking my teeth through that fine, thin, see-through skin to the hot, wet, pulsing An hour Just one hour. I must not think of the scent, the taste.The silent girl kept her hair between us, leanin g forward so that it spilled across her folder. I couldnt see her face, to try to read the emotions in her clear, deep eyes. Was this why shed let her tresses fan out between us? To hide those eyes from me? Out of fear? Shyness? To keep her secrets from me?My former irritation at being stymied by her soundless thoughts was weak and pale in comparison to the need and the hate that have me now. For I hated this frail woman-child beside me, hated her with all the fervor with which I clung to my former self, my love of my family, my dreams of being something better than what I was Hating her, hating how she made me feel it helped a little. Yes, the irritation Id felt before was weak, but it, too, helped a little. I clung to any emotion that distracted me from imagining what she would taste likeHate and irritation. Impatience. Would the hour never pass?And when the hour ended Then she would walk out of this room. And I would do what?I could introduce myself. Hello, my name is Edward Cullen. May I walk you to your next class?She would say yes. It would be the polite thing to do. Even already fearing me, as I suspected she did, she would follow convention and walk beside me. It should be easy enough to lead her in the wrong direction. A spur of the forest reached out like a finger to touch the back corner of the parking lot. I could tell her Id forgotten a book in my carWould anyone notice that I was the last person shed been seen with? It was raining, as usual two dark raincoats caput the wrong direction wouldnt pique too much interest, or give me away.Except that I was not the only student who was aware of her today though no one was as blisteringly aware as I was. Mike Newton, in particular, was conscious of every shift in her weight as she fidgeted in her chair she was uncomfortable so close to me, just as anyone would be, just as Id expected before her scent had destroyed all charitable concern. Mike Newton would notice if she left the classroom with me.I f I could last an hour, could I last two?I flinched at the pain of the burning.She would go home to an empty domiciliate. Police Chief Swan worked a full day. I knew his house, as I knew every house in the tiny town. His home was nestled right up against thick woods, with no close neighbors. Even if she had time to scream, which she would not, there would be no one to hear.That would be the responsible way to deal with this. Id gone seven decades without human blood. If I held my breath, I could last two hours. And when I had her alone, there would be no chance of anyone else getting hurt. And no reason to rush through the experience, the monster in my head agreed.It was sophistication to think that by saving the nineteen humans in this room with effort and patience, I would be less a monster when I killed this innocent girl. Though I hated her, I knew my hatred was unjust. I knew that what I really hated was myself. And I would hate us both so much more when she was dead.I made i t through the hour in this way imagining the best ways to kill her. I tried to avoid imagining the actual act. That might be too much for me I might lose this battle and end up cleanup spot everyone in sight. So I planned strategy, and nothing more. It carried me through the hour.Once, toward the very end, she peeked up at me through the fluid wall of her hair. I could feel the indefensible hatred burning out of me as I met her gaze see the reflection of it in her panicky eyes. Blood painted her cheek before she could hide in her hair again, and I was nearly undone.But the bell rang. Saved by the bell how clich. We were both saved. She, saved from death. I, saved for just a short time from being the nightmarish creature I feared and loathed.I couldnt walk as slowly as I should as I darted from the room. If anyone had been looking at me, they might have suspected that there was something not right about the way I moved. No one was paying attention to me. All human thoughts stil l swirled around the girl who was condemned to die in little more than an hours time.I hid in my car.I didnt like to think of myself having to hide. How cowardly that sounded. But it was unquestionably the case now.I didnt have enough discipline left to be around humans now. Focusing so much of my efforts on not killing one of them left me no resources to resist the others. What a waste that would be. If I were to give in to the monster, I might as well make it worth the defeat.I played a CD of music that usually calmed me, but it did little for me now. No, what helped most now was the cool, wet, clean air that drifted with the light rain through my open windows. Though I could remember the scent of Bella Swans blood with perfect clarity, inhaling the clean air was like washing out the inside of my body from its infection.I was sane again. I could think again. And I could constrict again. I could fight against what I didnt want to be.I didnt have to go to her home. I didnt have to kill her. Obviously, I was a rational, thinking creature, and I had a choice. There was always a choice.It hadnt felt that way in the classroombut I was away from her now. Perhaps, if I avoided her very, very carefully, there was no need for my life to change. I had things ordered the way I liked them now. Why should I let some aggravating and delicious nobody ruin that?I didnt have to disappoint my father. I didnt have to cause my mother stress, worrypain. Yes, it would hurt my adopted mother, too. And Esme was so gentle, so tender and soft. Causing someone like Esme pain was truly inexcusable.How ironic that Id wanted to protect this human girl from the paltry, toothless threat of Jessica Stanleys uncomplimentary thoughts. I was the last person who would ever stand as a protector for Isabella Swan. She would never need protection from anything more than she needed it from me.Where was Alice, I suddenly wondered? Hadnt she seen me killing the Swan girl in a multitude of ways? Why hadnt she come to help to stop me or help me clean up the evidence, whichever? Was she so absorbed with watching for trouble with Jasper that shed missed this much more horrific possibility? Was I stronger than I thought? Would I really not have done anything to the girl?No. I knew that wasnt true. Alice must be concentrating on Jasper very hard.I searched in the direction I knew she would be, in the small building used for English classes. It did not take me long to locate her familiar voice. And I was right. Her every thought was turned to Jasper, watching his small choices with minute scrutiny.I wished I could ask her advice, but at the same time, I was glad she didnt know what I was capable of. That she was unaware of the massacre I had considered in the last hour.I felt a new burn through my body the burn of shame. I didnt want any of them to know.If I could avoid Bella Swan, if I could manage not to kill her even as I thought that, the monster writhed and gnashed his teeth in frustration then no one would have to know. If I could keep away from her scentThere was no reason why I shouldnt try, at least. Make a good choice. Try to be what Carlisle thought I was.The last hour of school was almost over. I decided to put my new plan into action at once. damp than sitting here in the parking lot where she might pass me and ruin my attempt. Again, I felt the unjust hatred for the girl. I hated that she had this unconscious power over me. That she could make me be something I reviled.I walked swiftly a little too swiftly, but there were no witnesses across the tiny campus to the office. There was no reason for Bella Swan to cross paths with me. She would be avoided like the plague she was.The office was empty except for the secretary, the one I wanted to see.She didnt notice my silent entrance.Mrs. Cope?The woman with the unnaturally red hair looked up and her eyes widened. It always caught them off guard, the little markers they didnt understand, no matt er how many times theyd seen one of us before.Oh, she gasped, a little flustered. She smoothed her shirt. Silly, she thought to herself. Hes almost young enough to be my son. Too young to think of that way Hello, Edward. What can I do for you? Her eyelashes fluttered behind her thick glasses.Uncomfortable. But I knew how to be charming when I wanted to be. It was easy, since I was able to know instantly how any tone or gesture was taken.I leaned forward, meeting her gaze as if I were staring deeply into her depthless, small brown eyes. Her thoughts were already in a flutter. This should be simple. I was wondering if you could help me with my schedule, I said in the soft voice I reserved for not scaring humans.I heard the tempo of her heart increase.Of course, Edward. How can I help? Too young, too young, she chanted to herself. Wrong, of course. I was older than her grandfather. But according to my drivers license, she was right.I was wondering if I could move from my biology class to a senior level science? Physics, perhaps?It there a problem with Mr. Banner, Edward?Not at all, its just that Ive already canvas this materialIn that accelerated school you all went to in Alaska, right. Her thin lips pursed as she considered this. They should all be in college. Ive heard the teachers complain. Perfect four point ohs, never a hesitation with a response, never a wrong answer on a test like theyve found some way to cheat in every subject. Mr. Varner would rather believe that anyone was cheating than think a student was smarter than him Ill bet their mother tutors them Actually, Edward, physics is pretty much full right now. Mr. Banner hates to have more than cardinal students in a class I wouldnt be any trouble.Of course not. Not a perfect Cullen. I know that, Edward. But there just arent enough seats as it isCould I disgorge the class, then? I could use the period for independent study.Drop biology? He mouth evil open. Thats crazy. How hard is it to sit throu gh a subject you already know? There must be a problem with Mr. Banner. I wonder if I should talk to Bob about it? You wont have enough credits to graduate.Ill catch up next year.Maybe you should talk to your parents about that.The door opened behind me, but who ever it was did not think of me, so I ignored the arrival and concentrated on Mrs. Cope. I leaned slightly closer, and held my eyes a little wider. This would work better if they were gold instead of black. The lightlessness frightened people, as it should.Please, Mrs. Cope? I made my voice as smooth and compelling as it could be and it could be considerably compelling. Isnt there some other section I could switch to? Im sure there has to be an open slot somewhere? Sixth hour biology cant be the only optionI smiled at her, careful not to flash my teeth so widely that it would cow her, letting the expression soften my face.Her heart drummed faster. Too young, she reminded herself frantically. Well, maybe I could talk to Bo b I mean Mr. Banner. I could see if A second was all it took to change everything the atmosphere in the room, my burster here, the reason I leaned toward the red-haired woman What had been for one purpose before was now for another.A second was all it took for Samantha Wells to open the door and place a signed tardy slip in the hoop by the door, and hurry out again, in a rush to be away from school. A second was all it took for the sudden gust of wind through the open door to crash into me. A second was all it took for me to realize why that first person through the door had not interrupted me with her thoughts.I turned, though I did not need to make sure. I turned slowly, fighting to control the muscles that rebelled against me.Bella Swan stood with her back pressed to the wall beside the door, a piece of paper clutched in her hands. Her eyes were even wider than usual as she took in my ferocious, inhuman glare.The smell of her blood saturated every particle of air in the tiny, hot room. My throat burst into flames.The monster glared back at me from the mirror of her eyes again, a hide of evil. My hand hesitated in the air above the counter. I would not have to look back in order to reach across it and slam Mrs. Copes head into her desk with enough force to kill her. Two lives, rather than twenty. A trade.The monster waited anxiously, hungrily, for me to do it.But there was always a choice there had to be.I cut off the motion of my lungs, and fixed Carlisles face in front of my eyes. I turned back to face Mrs. Cope, and heard her internal surprise at the change in my expression. She shrank away from me, but her fear did not form into coherent words.Using all the control Id mastered in my decades of self-denial, I made my voice even and smooth. There was just enough air left in my lungs to speak once more, rushing through the words.Nevermind, then. I can see that its impossible. Thank you so much for your help.I spun and launched myself from the room, tr ying not to feel the warm-blooded heat of the girls body as I passed within inches of it.I didnt stop until I was in my car, moving too fast the entire way there. Most of the humans had cleared out already, so there werent a lot of witnesses. I heard a sophomore, D.J. Garrett, notice, and then negligenceWhere did Cullen come from it was like he just came out of thin air There I go, with the imagination again. Mom always saysWhen I slid into my Volvo, the others were already there. I tried to control my breathing, but I was gasping at the fresh air like Id been suffocated. Edward? Alice asked, alarm in her voice.I just shook my head at her.What the hell happened to you? Emmett demanded, distracted, for the moment, from the fact that Jasper was not in the mood for his rematch.Instead of answering, I threw the car into reverse. I had to get out of this lot before Bella Swan could follow me here, too. My own person demon, haunting me I swung the car around and accelerated. I hit forty before I was on the road. On the road, I hit seventy before I made the corner.Without looking, I knew that Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper had all turned to stare at Alice. She shrugged. She couldnt see what had passed, only what was coming. She looked ahead for me now. We both processed what she saw in her head, and we were both surprised.Youre leaving? she whispered.The others stared at me now.Am I? I hissed through my teeth.She saw it then, as my resolve wavered and another choice spun my future in a darker direction.Oh.Bella Swan, dead. My eyes, glowing crimson with fresh blood. The search that would follow. The careful time we would wait before it was safe for us to pull out and start againOh, she said again. The picture grew more specific. I saw the inside of Chief Swans house for the first time, saw Bella in a small kitchen with the yellow cupboards, her back to me as I stalked her from the shadowslet the scent pull me toward herStop I groaned, not able to bear more.Sorry, she whi spered, her eyes wide.The monster rejoiced.And the vision in her head shifted again. An empty highway at night, the trees beside it surface in snow, flashing by at almost two hundred miles per hour.Ill miss you, she said. No matter how short a time youre gone.Emmett and Rosalie exchanged an apprehensive glance.We were almost to the turn off onto the long drive that led to our home. Drop us here, Alice instructed. You should tell Carlisle yourself.I nodded, and the car squealed to a sudden stop.Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper got out in silence they would make Alice explain when I was gone. Alice touched my shoulder.You will do the right thing, she murmured. Not a vision this time an order. Shes Charlie Swans only family. It would kill him, too.Yes, I said, agreeing only with the last part.She slid out to join the others, her eyebrows draw together in anxiety. They melted into woods, out of sight before I could turn the car around.I accelerated back toward town, and I knew the visions in Alices head would be flashing from dark to bright like a strobe light. As I sped back to Forks doing ninety, I wasnt sure where I was going. To say bye-bye to my father? Or to embrace the monster inside me? The road flew away beneath my tires.